'Mum sent them £140,000': How to spot the signs a loved one is being scammed

Head over heels in love with a man she met online, Helen's mother hollowed out a book and put £10,000 cash inside. She then posted it to a Shanghai Hospital where he awaited a life-saving operation.

Once he was better they would be together - but the demands kept coming. Then a new man came on the scene - he'd been kidnapped and if she didn't pay the ransom he would be killed.

In total she sent £140,000 to romance scammers.

The first time Helen knew something was wrong was when her mum accidentally sent messages intended for the criminals to her. Then she became more secretive.

"It became obvious to me something was going on again," she says.

Here's how to spot the signs a loved one is being scammed and how to help them.

Helen's 80-year-old mum met her scammers on Facebook where they used artificial intelligence (AI) to change their appearance in photos and video calls - a type of deception known as deepfake.

With criminals employing increasingly sophisticated tactics, cases of fraud in the UK are on the rise. Over £1.3bn was stolen by scammers in 2025.

Helen noticed her mum taking a lot of phone and video calls but would not say who she was speaking to. Helen says she felt "emotionally drained" trying to work out what was happening.

"I didn't feel like I could cope with not having any tool to deal with it," she tells BBC Radio 4's Scam Secrets. "That's not expertise that most families have got."

Scam Secrets presenter Shari Vahl says these are the signs to look out for:

• Change in behaviour or mood
• Being evasive or secretive
• Frequent post office/bank visits
• Shopping in unusual ways such as buying gift cards
• Unusual financial activities like bank transfers and opening new accounts
• Communicating online or by the phone in a way that's out of character

In a bid to get her mum to open up, Helen decided "to try and be calm about this and open up the possibility she could trust me".

Dale Richardson, a police fraud protect officer, encourages families to be "curious but not confrontational".

"I like to break it down... and listen to them and say, right, how did you meet? And what have they said?"

Helen convinced her mum to allow her to speak to the scammer on a video call.

She says she quickly spotted the deepfake as the image was "fuzzy" and his voice out of sync with his movements.

Helen tried to convince her mum the man she was speaking to was not who he said he was but she did not believe her.

"She was saying I made her feel disgusted and ashamed," says Helen. "And that I should let her have her relationship and not intervene."

Forensic linguist Dr Lis Carter, who is part of the Scam Secrets team, stresses the importance of being patient and careful with your words when trying to help loved ones who believe they are in a genuine relationship.

"Being a family member coming into that, you are 'destroying' that happiness."

Unable to break her mum away from the scam, Helen turned to her bank.

She had a lasting power of attorney, meaning she could act on behalf of her mum and set up safeguards for her accounts.

Jim Winters, head of economic crime at Nationwide, says anyone who believes a family member is being scammed should contact their bank.

"They might be limited in what they can share with you for data privacy reasons, but they can take steps to safeguard that account," he says.

"Once we know that a customer is being defrauded we can spot the hallmarks very quickly and take steps to break that spell."

To date, the bank that Helen's mum uses has returned £45,000 to her account.

Though Helen changed her mum's phone number three times, she continued to give the new one to the scammers.

Helen eventually replaced her mum's smartphone with one that could only do calls and texts.

Winters also advises "completely resetting" a loved ones digital footprint by changing telephone numbers, email address and social media accounts.

"That's what makes you visible, that's what puts you out there. So taking steps to reset all of that is so important," he says.

• Ask open questions - be calm and patient to gather information
• Contact their bank - they can put safeguards in place
• Enlist someone impartial - this can help victims open up
• Reset their digital footprint - scammers can't continue if they can't contact them

Source: Scam Secrets