Add the expectant onions and allow them to jostle on a low heat for 3 minutes, about the same time that it takes to read two pages of the wonderful tome 'Two middle-aged ladies in Andalucia' by Penelope Chetwode (Sir John Betjemen's good lady wife); we always have a well-thumbed copy in the Quill and Tassel.

Gingerly decant the turkey eggs from their calcified oval cages and place into an earthenware pan. Add the patatas and the umbered onions and tease with the salt, pepper and fresh oregano.

Now, using a perfectly clean pan 20 cm diameter (it is very important that it is perfectly clean, many is the time that Simon has locked himself away for hours with the small Mediterranean cleaning boy and a dozen pans, they can be at it for hours, eventually emerging sweaty but satiated).

Glow the 2 tablespoons of Catalan oil on a brisk fire. Pour the homogenous egg fluid evenly into the pan. Briskly and incessantly raise the edges of the omelette all the way around using an Oneida Firenze-pattern fork, as if cajoling a recalcitrant manta ray. Folding the cooked parts towards the epicentre.