|  | Jordan is flying back from the jungle to appear at The Works in Nottingham on 16th February 2004.
Jordan, aka Katie Price, will be signing autographs and answering the trivial questions everyone seems so interested in ask.
However, we've already been there. Kaz Gillett caught up with Katie the last time she visited Robin Hood County... ------ "She's only famous as a result of the British celebrity-bashing obsession! Why do you want to interview her?" was the forewarning from my mate who happened to go to the same school as Jordan (back in the day when wet perms were in fashion -ay, Jordan!).
But, if truth were known, I was looking forward to this interview with Jordan after her appearance at The Works. (Granted, not as much as my brother, who, decided to come pay his lil-sis a visit the night I was meeting a porn-star!).
I had visions of a fun lovin', carefree starlet
someone who's life seemed genuinely interesting, and someone who was, as I saw it, misinterpreted by the press.
I had been irritated when the papers were giving her a bad time after she fell pregnant. After all, everyone has some level of compassion, right?
I began the interview politely
but the only acknowledgment was "Can we go and get a kebab? Hurry up with this interview!"
I tried the 'on a level' approach - no way! There is no way I got even close!
I tried to humour my way through the interview, that didn't work either, a spiteful "Hmm, a nervous laugh, nice" comment was all it provoked.
Then I remembered something I once read about the D-list celeb... and I tried the compliment approach which seemed to work.
Well, I got somewhere near. Near enough to obtain an amusing insight into the staged-life of the British page three girl that is Jordan.
------ When is your biography out to buy?
Yes! Buy it, read it!
Well, what is it called?
It's out in May. Next question.
What is the funniest chat-up line you've ever had Jordan?
Don't get chatted up - lads don't approach me. Next.
(The interview appeared to be going well!)
You have a really good figure, but exercising with large accessories, as any well-endowed lady knows, is not pain-free! Jordan, just how do you do it?
Thank you. I don't work out, I don't exercise, I'm just naturally lucky!
(There is nothing natural about this girl!)
For the record, what bra size are you?
What size are you?
I replied. (She looked, raised eyebrows)
Well, different shops, different sizes I guess! I'm a 32 FF and Marks and Spencers still do my size so they can't be that ******* big.
Sam Fox has been on stage and sang with Lemmy from Motorhead's old band, Hawkwind. We have also heard rumours that you may be doing a duet with him?
Don't compare me to her!
Would you do a duet with anyone?
I'd rather be on my own, or maybe a duet with Luther Vandross or Lionel Ritchie. Lemmy is a bit hardcore for me. I'm okay with hardcore videos but not hardcore singing!
You were 19 when you became The Sun's page three model, how did your family or friends react to your career?
I was 17, thought you'd been to Uni? Get your facts right! My family didn't like it at first but now they're kind of used to it. I want a kebab. Is there anywhere around here I can get a kebab, I'm ******* starving. (I suggested Trent Kebabs down the road).
The papers print many inaccurate stories, how frustrating is this?
I don't give a ****. I just look at the pictures. I don't read the papers, they can do what they like, I don't care.
Do you have any advice for young girls wanting a career in the glamour model industry?
Don't bother. It's very two faced, and you only get £50 after tax for page three, you get more ogles at the a beach.
You've done work for Playboy. Did you visit the Playboy mansion?
Yeah, three years running.
How cool was it? I have heard the guy, playing mini-me in the film Austin powers, goes there?
Yeah he does. Wait for my book.
So, have you met Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee?
I have met Pamela (almost acknowledging Pammy's higher celebrity status).
Can you empathise with Pammy, as you've had a home sex video sold against your wishes?
Don't compare me to anyone, just be yourself.
People are quick to criticize glamour models. It must take a strong person to stick around in the business. Have you found that you have become a stronger character with fame?
I need a kebab, lets go for a kebab. I'm starving! I've got to get this done, I'm driving back to Brighton tonight because I've got to see to Harvey, you know, I've got to get back to my kid now.
Giving up on my original question, I changed my interview tactics
Living in Brighton do you get to hang out with Chris Eubank??!
No, but he lives close to me though, I'm not into flashing my money and big trucks. (???)
------ I then switched off. I wasn't listening. Jordan had bored me sufficiently.
Look out for future events on Tuesday nights at the Works. The acts in the first term have been top entertainment, and watching Jordan on stage was well worth £2.50
A slightly-less-naïve, but 'proper fashionable' Kaz Gillett. ------ Jordan is flying back from the jungle to appear at The Works in Nottingham on 16th February 2004.
If you've been wondering how it feels to have a million creepy crawlies in your hair or what really went on in the outback get down to The Works where, true to form, she'll be revealing all! |
