Literally! Social media parodies: Video playlist

MISS HAVISHAM: Hello, and welcome to a day in the life of me. Miss Havisham. Oh. Hi.

I wake up at 8:40 — devastated — in my outfit from the day before, and the day before that, and the decade before that. You know when you just can’t be bothered to change? Guilty.

Okay, let’s get into it. So, I guess this is sort of like my signature look. One shoe. Once white, now yellow. Silk stockings. Once white, now yellow. And a wedding dress. You guessed it. Once white, now yellow.

’Cause if it ain’t broke — then it isn’t my heart.

It’s a sort of thrown‑together, halfway‑through‑dressing, when‑you‑get‑a‑world‑shattering‑letter kind of aesthetic. Gets a lot of strong reactions. People say it’s like grave‑clothes. Or like a skeleton in the ashes of a rich dress.

But that’s what I love about this look — super versatile. Wedding dress. Shroud. Wedding dress. Shroud. Wedding dress. Cheeky. Shroud.

When it comes to looking after my skin — I don’t. Can you tell? It’s really working for me. I look worse than ever. I mean, who needs SPF when you’ve got brick wall?

I had them all covered up, you see. In fact — Pip, come in. What are you, eight? Nine? I’ve never seen the sun since you were born. Okay. Bye.

The result? It’s giving ghastly waxwork at the fair.

Oh. 8:40. My favourite part of the day. Time to go sit like a corpse. Just plotting my revenge. On all men.

Oh! 8:40. Goodness — is that the time? Unrelated, that’s actually the exact time that I received this letter all those years ago. Yeah. My ex dumped me on my birthday. Which is today.

God. I’ve not thought about that in like — what’s that — three seconds?

Just give me a second to put it back exactly where it was. Oh. Ah!

You know when you’ve just got that comfort watch? Something you come back to again and again? Well, mine is Estella and Pip playing cards. It’s gripping.

Break him. Break him, Estella. Break his heart.

ESTELLA: You’re a loser.

PIP: [sobbing]

ESTELLA: Sorry. Wanna kiss me?

MISS HAVISHAM: 8:40. Playtime’s over.

Pip comes every six days, which makes today…?

PIP: Monday?

MISS HAVISHAM: I know nothing of days of the week. I know nothing of weeks of the year. Sorry. Where was I?

PIP: It… it is Monday though, right?

MISS HAVISHAM: I don’t do days.

8:40. Time for Estella’s lessons. She’s my ward. Break their hearts — my pride and hope — break their hearts and have no mercy.

I really want men to fall in love with her.

ESTELLA: Help me.

MISS HAVISHAM: What do I mean by love? Well, to me, it is blind devotion, unquestioning self‑humiliation, and giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter. You know. Just the usual stuff.