NAPOLEON: Ugh, why would you do this to me? You’re trying to kill me. I promise — you want my farm, don’t you?
I don’t want your farm. I… you want my farm, don’t you?
You cheeky little boy.
HOST: Hey everybody, you’re watching Hog Ones. The show with hog questions and hogger wings.
I’m here with Comrade Napoleon — Father of All Animals, Terror of Mankind, Protector of the Sheep‑fold, Ducklings’ Friend, and Lord of the Swill‑bucket.
He’s best known as the president of Animal Farm — owned and operated by animals.
Napoleon, thanks for coming on the show.
NAPOLEON: Thank you, comrade. I’m excited to be here — as is Old Major in spirit and skull.
HOST: We appreciate you coming for the hog gauntlet today.
We’ve got vegan deep‑fried apple‑slice spicy wings.
NAPOLEON: Vegan wings. As rule six says, “No animal shall kill any other animal… without cause.”
HOST: We’ve got cow’s milk to cool you down. This is all from your farm, right?
NAPOLEON: Has to be real milk. It’s good for my brain. We pigs are brainworkers.
I dislike milk and apples, but I have to eat them. I’m doing this for you. To Animal Farm!
HOST: Sorry about the food shortages.
Here goes. First sauce — The Goat. Muriel.
NAPOLEON: That’s not too bad. Quite mild.
HOST: You named yourself Berkshire Boar of the Year — even though you’re the only one on the farm.
You’re described as “not much of a talker but gets his own way.” What’s a time you didn’t?
NAPOLEON: Building that windmill. I was against it from the start.
Wind power? I’ve got horsepower.
Snowball pushed a dream of a three‑day week where the windmill works for them. So he had to go.
My eyes are stinging.
HOST: Speaking of Snowball — you claim you can detect him by smell. What is that smell?
NAPOLEON: Betrayal. Sabotage. Where do I even start?
We built Animalism together based on Old Major. But Snowball was Jones’s secret agent.
He stole corn, upset milk‑pails, broke eggs, worked with rats, and milked cows in their sleep.
HOST: That’s messed up — though not true.
NAPOLEON: Anything goes wrong — we blame him.
He destroyed the windmill twice. Windmill was my idea.
HOST: Next wing will be explosive. Ready? This one is Da Bomb.
NAPOLEON: De blows up dat windmill.
HOST: This one is strong.
By the way — wings are legs.
NAPOLEON: We had “Four legs good, two legs bad.” Birds hated it, so wings became legs.
Call this show “Hot Legs.”
HOST: Your slogans are effective. Through Squealer, you’re a strong communicator.
Who’s your greatest influence — and why?
NAPOLEON: Joseph Stalin. It’s all about personality cult and image.
They didn’t get him. I’ve got a big picture — of me — in the barn.
A reminder I’m always watching. My secret police — my dogs — are too.
HOST: Thanks to the leadership of Comrade Napoleon, this water tastes excellent.
NAPOLEON: Animals came up with that — after I told them to.
HOST: Last wing. Last question. You don’t have to do the final dab.
NAPOLEON: I didn’t get these medals for nothing. I gave them to myself for bravery.
HOST: Boxer said you’re always right. When have you been wrong?
NAPOLEON: Never. Maybe the messaging was confused, so I streamlined the rules.
All animals are equal — but some are more equal than others.
I’m going to throw up.
HOST: You’re unmatched in spicy‑food endurance. Tell the people what’s next.
NAPOLEON: We’re dropping “comrade.” Getting rid of the skull. Returning to the original name — Manor Farm.
To the prosperity of Manor Farm!
What happened to my hands? Oh yes… I’m a pig.
Description
Napoleon is the Berkshire Boar, propagandist and dictatorial leader from George Orwell’s Animal Farm… but how is he with spicy food? Find out in this social media parody. Find out more about GCSE English Literature.
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