I recreated my OCD in a movie – and it lost its power

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Tala Calil was six years old when she and her mother secretly left Lebanon to escape her alcoholic father. In the years that followed, they rarely discussed what had happened, but Tala’s fears emerged in other ways. She developed severe panic attacks and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. She came to think of OCD as “the bully in my head” – a constant stream of intrusive thoughts and rituals that increasingly shaped her daily life. Decades later, while making a film inspired by her experiences, Tala found herself recreating those compulsions and panic attacks on camera. The process changed her relationship with OCD, and raised difficult questions about her past, and the father she barely knew. Tala’s film Shadows of Beirut will be screening at the Thessaloniki International Film Festival. Presenter: Jo Fidgen Producer: Maryam Maruf Get in touch: outlook@bbc.com or WhatsApp +44 330 678 2707 (Photo: Tala Calil on the set of Shadows of Beirut, seated indoors in a dark top against a softly blurred background, looking directly towards the camera with a calm, thoughtful expression. Credit: Nu Boyana)