Yurij Ryabikin's Diary

This the translation of a little episode from the book by A. Adamovich and D. Granin “The Blockade Book”. This is not my family story but I think that this episode will help to understand the depth of tragedy Russian people went through.
It’s a diary of Yurij Ryabikin. He lived in Lenigrad (St.-Petersburg) during its blockade that continued 900 days since 8 September 1941 to 27 January 1944. When Germany started the war against Soviet Union (22 June 1941) he was fifteen. He lived with his mother and four-year old sister Irina.

3 January 1942
I think that this is my last record in the diary. I’m afraid that I will not be able to right “The End” on the last page. Somebody else will finish it with the word “Death”. I passionately want to be alive, believe and feel! But… evacuation will be only in spring when the trains could go by the Northern railway but I feel that couldn’t survive till spring. I’m swelled up. Every cell in the body consists of more water than necessary. I feel to lazy to move, to stand up from the chair, to walk. All this is because of too much water in organism and food shortage. All is liquid, liquid, liquid… My mother severed relationship with Irina and me. They will leave me here. Mothers nervous system is so weak that she loses control and then… How it happened and repeated many times she says that she will get out of Leningrad but I wouldn’t. I cannot work. I cannot study. Even if I’ll manage to work or to study for a week finally I will die… Is it possible? Death is looking straightly to my eyes. And I have no way out of here. I could go to the hospital. I became lousy. Oh God what can I do? I will die but I want get out of here and to live, to live! Perhaps mother and Ira could survive? My mother became rude. She beats me and abuses me all the time. But I am not angry with that because I became a parasite for her and Ira. There is only death in front of me. And I have no hope to survive here. I am only afraid that my mother and sister would die with me.

P.S. The last record in the diary is dated 6th January 1942. This day mother and Irina were evacuated from Leningrad. Yura was leaved to die in the town. His mother died on the first big station after Leningrad in Vologda the next day after evacuation. The only member of the family who survived was Irina. When the authors of the book found her and took an interview she said that she still believes that Yura managed to evacuate from the city and is alive.

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