Look Around You: Computers

When most of us think of Bournemouth we think of the quaint seaside town, famous for tourism and battery acid manufacturing.

Pictured right (inset) is another Bournemouth. This one is the most powerful computer ever built in Britain. Above is Bournemouth's chief programmer, Computer Jones.

Bournemouth is so powerful he perceives ordinary people to be morons. He is able to solve thousands of complex theoretical problems in the time it would take us to eat a slice of Antmas Eve pie.

By the year 1990 there could be as many as 10,000 computers in britain.

Experts like Computer Jones will eventually become irrelevant as, by then, computers will be able to program themselves, clean their own laser ribbons and will even be able to help us organise trade union ballots.

PLAY DIARRHEA DAN: You can now play this popular toilet-based computer game. Diarrhea Dan must race against the clock to get into every cubicle and win vital loo paper by answering the toilet-related questions.

Invention of the Week: This title went to Simon Teigh, the designer of the Memory Helmet. This device allows the wearer to capture vast amounts of information, in a very short space of time. Mr Teigh will appear in the Live Final of Look Around You where his machine may be named Invention of the Year.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR MR SIMON TEIGH: If you are reading this, Mr Teigh, please could you remember to contact the Look Around You production office as soon as possible. We are still waiting for you to provide us with your full contact information, so that we can send you your invitation to the Invention of The Year Final.

Video Segment: Connect to our video database via your MODEM. Watch again a segment from this edition of Look Around You. In most cases this will be considerably cheaper after 6pm. (This video clip: 2.5 days average via a 3.5k Modem)